whenever you begin to arrange your emotional space differently, this is what happens as a result:
-your find more space, some happy corners and interestingness gone unnoticed,
-you look at your domestic, familiar place with new eyes, which starts off the journey of respecting the wounds and the dusty corners without self-indulgence.
-not every big move has to happen NOW or simultaneously to some other big moves.
-you stop dragging your old self around, but are not yet ready to replace it with a new one. you choose to linger in this inbetween state. it's rich and exploratory.
-people in your life, old and new, potential loves, potential heart-breakers, organically realign themselves to your new space. Or leave. You are fine with both. Which is to say you outlive both. You are intimate with loneliness.it's rich and exploratory. and it's not forever.
-you are learning to be intimate with another, through the new space. in time.
-your hands are busy with manual joys, labor. they are tools. they get dirty. or give you pleasure. they cook, which is the time when the new space is fertile with offerings.
-keeping the focus on this rearrangement of space you know that will mean freedom from shame and self-neglect. purging is a word you hear often. it makes more sense now, the need to purge.
-inside out, new resources unheard of, creativity translated from one field into another, inconvenient feelings get aired out, you go for a walk.
-you fight for this new space. you claim respect for it. relinquish the need to be right, to project, you know why these needs are there. but there is more light coming in, and every thing now has its reason. without apologies you make choices.
-when space feels right, you see where to change, and indeed apologize.
-steady and hope replace fear.